I have this horrendous feeling and I don't really know why I feel like this so I'm trying to write it out to figure it out better.
Its like this jealousy (?) or.. i dont know , but a feeling thats nasty that comes over me when I see sumal being (better?) friends than with my friends. Is it a fomo, or a distrust or just a jealousy? I'm not sure.
All I know is that for some reason I want to act out. Hardev called me yesterday and I didn't pick up. I have no intention of calling him back, but its almost like I want to.. out of spite?
Is it for attention? I'm not sure, but I am trying really hard to get through it and deal with feeling this way.
All i know, is that I kind of need to back myself. Turning into the crazy version of me doesn't work, and won't make whatever situation I'm in, better. I feel as if that will just push him away further and perpetuate a vicious cycle.
He's a good boy, trust in the boy. He can't fix all your problems and its not fair to go crying to him every other time because he is trying and its a GOOD thing that he gets along with all your mates. [does it have to be him with all the girls in one zoom call though?] [is this a ptsd from evan] hahah. okay , documenting this here for today. will update as time passes.